Was It Pride?

Dear Readers,

Through the pain it dawned on me, it might be my pride…

WAS IT PRIDE?  Journal Entry,  June, 2017


God has always blessed me with first-rate health.  Except for a short battle with breast cancer, and a few stomach problems, at 73 years old, I’m in excellent condition.  About a month ago, I injured my right knee running on my treadmill.  The pain at times, has been unbearable on both sides of my leg.  A trip to emergacare helped and three xrays showed no damage, just a little arthritis.

As the weeks passed I prayed, “So, why all the pain Lord?  And, why isn’t it improving?  Am I going to be using a walker for the rest of my life?  Is this part of your perfect plan for me?  All I asked for recently was for You to enhance my little hospital ministry!  And, this is what I get as an answer?”  I went on and on, wah, wah, wah!

About 4 weeks passed with no improvement, just unrelenting pain.  I started wondering if I was approaching God wrong.  I had not asked for healing in Jesus’s name!  I had not tried to see this experience as an awakening or another learning curve, or a unique way that God might be showing me something important!  Like for instance, maybe He wanted me to see how much knee pain my husband has been in for years, or wanted me to be able to relate to the hospital patients more closely who are also in a great deal of pain!  I wasn’t sure.

“Why Lord?” was all I could seem to ask at first, but after several weeks my curiosity turned into fear of never improving and eventually losing my volunteer job that I love so much.

In my search for answers I finally asked God, “Is this a pride problem?”  Having taken my healthy body and youthful activities like running on my treadmill, and moving wheelchairs of people all over the hospital, and pushing a heavy cart of magazines and books everywhere, maybe just maybe, I was taking for granted how blessed I am to have this good health, and thinking like it was because of something special I did, not what God did for me?

Was I bragging about my healthy diet?  Was I bragging about my healthy exercising?  Was I telling people to do this or that to improve their health, instead of suggesting they turn to God?

“Dear Father in heaven, ” I prayed, “Did my pride take over when I was asked about health or well being?  Did I suggest even once, that it was because of something I did, and didn’t depend on You, but depended on myself?”  I wondered and wondered.  Then more prayers of forgiveness poured out…

“Father if I took credit, even once, for any part of the goodness in my life, when all credit belongs to You, please forgive me!  Your Word says all good comes from God, but sometimes, pride so subtly slips in, we hardly even notice it’s there!”

I prayed a bunch about this season the Lord was showing me.  I believe this scenario is definitely a possible conclusion!  I think all of us have to deal with pride constantly.  Like every sin, it slips in and robs us of our closeness to God.  Sometimes we need to be startled, just so we will never ever take for granted all that God does daily for each and every one of us.

Love in Christ,  Claire  xoxo

James 1:17,  “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  (NIV)


P.S.  Since I wrote this blog, a dear friend at church who has a doctor in her family, told me a solution to try that might help and I have greatly improved!  But I will never forget this test!  And, I will never stop thanking God for healing my leg on His time.

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