Monthly Archives: June 2014

Make Believe Twins-Part 2

Dear Readers,

     In October of 2010, I blogged about my make believe twin sister, Teresa.  Reading my old journals this week, I came across some of her last wishes which she shared with me before succumbing to cancer…

 

     MAKE BELIEVE TWINS- Part 2

 

     Journal Entry- August 3, 2004

     A difficult time emotionally for me.  My (make believe twin) sister, Teresa was admitted to the hospital yesterday.  She is in her 3rd or 4th battle with cancer and not doing well.  The doctors want her to go on weekly chemotherapy treatments.  Her usual is every 5-6 weeks, but her cancer cell count (500+) is not decreasing.  She told them, "No! No more chemo!  I don’t have anymore strength!"

     As the subject of dying comes up more and more, she shared with me that she’s not ready.  "I need to write letters to my husband and sons," she told me, "And I need to do other things as well!"

     "Like what?" I came back, "Your will is in order and I can help you write your letters!" (At this point my big sis is totally blind, diabetic, and full of cancer.)

     So today, while I visited her at the hospital, we wrote letters together.  Love letters to her two sons and her husband of 40 years.  It was one of the most difficult but rewarding tasks I have ever done for the Lord.      

     

     Journal Entry- August 5, 2004

     A strange thing happened on my evening walk tonight.  A dove followed me!  The most peaceful sound in my world is the cooing of a dove, and as I walked he cooed, moved closer, cooed, and moved closer again, all as I prayed for my dear sister to be out of pain, "Stop the pain Father, please she has suffered enough!" I begged Him.  

     When I walked into her hospital room this morning once again, she was lying on her side, eyes closed, all wrinkled up and looking a thousand years old.  Quietly, I put my pad and purse on the chair so I wouldn’t disturb her.  Thinking she was asleep, as I began to sit down she heard me and asked, "Mitch, is that you?" (Her nickname for her hubby.)

     "No!  It’s me, Claire!" I said.  Never opening her eyes or even moving a muscle she went on, "Did you bring your pad?"

     "I did, Sis!"  And, for the remainder of our visit, I continued to write love letters to my sister’s family, using her words.  With tears flowing down my cheeks, I scribbled her last messages to those most dear to her heart.

     The nurses entered and cut us short for more endless, ridiculous, painful tests.  I begged the nurses for 30 more seconds to finish her letters.  One nurse angrily left the room, but the other one smiled compassionately and nodded her head with understanding.

     When they left, I leaned close to my sister’s ear and whispered the words from her letters back to her for her final approval and she nodded, smiled, and spoke, "Yes, that’s perfect!" she said.  Then the nurses quickly took her away.

     As I looked at the empty bed where she just lay, I realized it’s only moments until she’s gone.  I thought, "I want her out of this awful place!"

                                          ——————-

 

     A couple weeks later my sister came home from the hospital after finally convincing her husband, who was determined to get her well again, that she had had enough, and couldn’t go through any more chemo, "I want to go home, I just want to go home!" she kept insisting.  At that point she was so thin and frail we all knew the end was close.

 

     Journal Entry, August, 2004

 

     My sister is home!  She’s very weak so I went over to see her and again she had me write more letters to loved ones.  When I got to the last letter, which was for me, we laughed a lot about our past.  Being raised like twins (actually we were almost 15 months apart but mom always wanted twins).  We were put in the same grade all through school together; we talked about "The Yellow Bomber" we had so much fun in, which was our combined graduation gift (A 1953 Chevy Bel Air); our first job after grad where we worked together at Reed and Prince Manufacturing Company; we even dated the same guy, only I married him!

     We laughed so much that I will treasure this memory for years after she is gone.  She’s extremely weak and needs help now even to go to the bathroom.  Rolling over in her bed has become impossible without assistance as well.  I pray, "How much more can she take, Lord?  I wonder how much more!  She has suffered so much of her life!"

                      —————-

 

     We received a phone call around midnight early in September that year, that she had gone to be with the Lord.  Her son told us that just before she took her last breath, Teresa looked up at the ceiling and said, "Hi Lord, how are you?"  Then she hesitated a minute and continued, "Oh me, I’m fine!" and then she breathed her final breath.  Still to this day, I get great comfort from her incredible last words.

                          Love in Christ,  Claire xoxo

 

     John 5:24, "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."  (NIV) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Dear John Letter

Dear Readers,

     Many of my blogs come out of letters I write to people in need of encouragement.  I hope you enjoy reading this letter.  The names are changed for privacy…

 

     Dear John,

     I’m not sure why I am writing to you, but the Lord reaches deeply into my heart sometimes to write letters.  I’m wondering how you are dealing with so much loss in your life!  The month of May is quite traumatic for my own husband as that is the month he lost his three-year-old son to cancer.  He is still guilt ridden for signing a paper giving permission to the doctor for his child’s last powerful chemo treatment, which he was told was the boy’s only chance for survival.

     Recently the Lord opened my eyes to an awareness.  I also read a comment that stuck in my mind, "If God has prophesied something there is nothing you or I can do to stop it from happening!"  Makes sense, doesn’t it?

     He prophesied Moses would lead the Hebrews out of slavery and Moses did, even though he was shy and timid in temperament.  It was also prophesied that the final plague would come out of Pharoah’s mouth.  When Ramses told his soldiers to go kill all the first born in every Hebrew home, a pestilence came in the night and killed the first born in every Egyptian home.  The Hebrew’s put lamb’s blood on the door posts and the disease passed by.  Think about that for a minute!  How can germs (pestilence) decide which house to pick?  Does that make any sense to you?

     You’re probably wondering what I’m getting at!  The same applies to us today!  With my own hubby, who feels guilt about signing a paper for his son to receive chemo which ended up killing him, it doesn’t matter!  HIS SON’S TIME TO BE WITH THE LORD WAS THAT VERY DAY IN MAY OF 1978!

     I know I’m stepping out on a limb here, but I want to share a secret from my own life that has plagued me with guilt for over 20 years.  I’ll simplify my story.  My car broke down and I needed a ride.  (This was before cell phones.)  A stranger offered me a ride home.  I took it, but before I did I hesitated, because not once, but twice, I distinctly heard a clear message from God which was, "DON’T GET IN THAT CAR!"  The second time I heard it, I had my hand on the door handle of the automobile.  Still, I chose to ignore the warning and took the ride.  Within 20 or 25 minutes, that stranger pulled onto a dirt road, quickly stopped the car and raped me.  Then just as quickly, he dropped me off on another street.

     Now, I have been haunted by guilt for over 20 years about not heeding the warning God graciously gave me.  But, all of a sudden, one day I realized that, "GOD ALREADY KNEW I WOULDN’T LISTEN TO HIS WARNINGS!"  He already knew I would be frightened, feel guilty, and be traumatized by this incident for the rest of my life, if I gave in to it.

     So, why then do I continue to punish myself for all these years?  Guilt does not come from God!  It comes from the devil!  And, he will do anything to rob us of the joy of being close to the Lord.

     Now back to you; whether or not you were the vehicle in an accident that ended a man’s life, HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH GOD THAT DAY!  It could have been the vehicle before or after you, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was that man’s day to be with God!

     I know that doesn’t give you much comfort, but when you open your eyes wide and look around, we really don’t have much control over our lives!  God alone knows every day what is going to happen to us, and He alone has control.  If you asked the Lord today, to forgive you for your accident, He would probably say, "What accident?"

     I hate what the devil does to us, because all he wants is to take our joy, make us feel bad, make us mourn our losses, and make us feel guilty.

     The Lord Jesus knew hitherto you were going to be the vehicle that would bring that other driver to heaven, just like He knew I would reject his two warning messages, and he knew beforehand the chemo would take C.J.’s son.  We can spend the rest of our lives missing what Jesus has in store for us, or we can accept forgiveness and move on to whatever God wants us to accomplish for Him!  I know you love the Lord as much as I do.  And, I know He loves you as much as He loves Calvin and me.

     We all need to move forward, forgive ourselves and start fresh, because our time here on earth is precious.  We need our joy back.  We need love back!  And, we need to stop dwelling on the past and dwell on the future and what God wants from us.  Maybe He wants you to witness to other victims about your tragedy!  Pray and ask Him!

     We will be praying for you John!              

                       Love in Christ,   Claire and Cal  xoxo

 

     Psalms 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"  (NKJV) 

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