Fear of Rejection

Dear Readers,

     This story was layed on my heart to blog awhile ago, but I didn’t have the courage to enter it, so I blogged some old memories instead.  But that is breaking the rules.  I promised the Lord I would blog whatever story He brings to my mind in my prayer time each week.

     Recently I heard a Pastor say, "More Baptists do this than any other denomination!"  That set me wondering about my own church fellowship.  Then I read in Dr. Stanley’s "In Touch" daily devotional that, "All people will at some time, in some way disappoint us.  The Lord is the only one who loves us perfectly and consistently." (10-16-11 entry, In Touch-A Prayerful Life.)

     I also asked a few dear Christian friends this week what I should do.  The answer was always the same, "If the Lord told you to do it, you have to do it!"

     So I can’t worry about rejection from my peers if the Lord wants me to enter this story.  I know in my heart, He does.  So here it is…

     From my Journal Written in 2001…

     My Prayer Language

     "Abbalee" I heard over and over in my head.  The strange word even jumped into my conversation occasionally.  What could it mean?

     As I look back now, I remember that for several months I had been praying for the gift of tongues.  I had been baptized in the Holy Spirit previously but no tongue gift, that so often follows, was experienced.  Many strange sounds had filled my head that day, but I didn’t understand enough about this newly discovered part of my Christianity.

     Then one day this one word, "Abbalee" filtered into my daily prayers.  For several weeks this went on until finally I decided to mention it to another Christian.  "Do you suppose this word could be the start of my prayer language?" I confided.  "I don’t know!  Ask the Lord" I was told.

     My intellect would not let me believe it.  I needed more proof.  Doubting Thomas had nothing on me!  So, I decided to research this unorthodox word.  Asking questions to many clergymen, hunting bible dictionaries and more, surfaced part of an answer.  One pastor volunteered a comment, "Abba means Father in Hebrew, but I don’t know what "Lee" means.  Could it possibly be two words instead of one?" he asked.

     I continued my search with that thought in mind.  Discovering that ABBA meant Father, had convinced me that it was a spiritual word.  I wanted to know more!

     My hunting paid off.  A bible dictionary revealed to me that a "Lee or Lea" was a dreg of wine in bible times and wine is the symbol for the Holy Spirit.  Together I deduced that wine symbolizing the Holy Spirit, and Abba meaning Father, had to mean prayer or conversation between the Father and the Holy Spirit through me.

     At that point I decided to free my speech to God, finally not doubting the words were from Him, and so began my prayer language.

     Daily I prayed, "Abbalee, Abbalee, Abbalee," and I just kept saying it over and over.  Within a short period of time more unknown words began to flow freely through my lips.  Prayer between the Father and the Holy Spirit, foreign prayer to me, for whatever reason God heard from His Spirit, prayer I knew nothing about, for people in need maybe?  Things I knew nothing about, but God did!  He used my mind and my tongue to connect in prayer for whatever reason He wanted.

     The Living Lord has continued to do this almost daily in my life for about twenty years now.  Something has changed though since the beginning.  Something quite profound!

     After several manifestations I started asking the Lord to reveal to me knowledge of what my tongue and mind were being used for.  "Please God, let me know what’s going on sometimes.  Thank you Father, in Jesus’s name I pray, amen,"  I asked in prayer. 

     And He did!  Not every time.  But sometimes.  And, I seem to know when it’s been revealed to me, that I was just praying for that situation.

     It goes sort of like this.  Prayer language words will pour out of my mouth and continue, often for hours at a time.  When I finally get a break, I’ll ask God for a word of wisdom or a sign of what’s going on and shortly after, usually that same day, a troubled person, or a trauma, or a salvation, or an illness, or whatever, will be revealed to me.

     Here’s an example.  This happened yesterday.  1.  The prayer outpouring came with no warning.  2.  The request from me.  3.  The revelation revealed.  A call from my daughter disclosed her company asked all employees to take a voluntary lay off.  She was very upset in the morning meeting at work, as she just bought a new car and was planning on house hunting in the near future.  She broke down in tears in the meeting, which embarressed her in front of all her peers.  (She never did get laid off back in 2001)

     Here’s another example that happened very late one night years ago.  1.  The prayer outpouring for hours.  2.  The request for wisdom from me.  3.  The revelation.  A dawn phone call from 2200 miles away that our Memei had died.  It happened during the late night hours.  Not understanding why, my inlaws said she was very peaceful at the end and she put her rosary beads away saying she no longer needed them.  My inlaws couldn’t understand why she did that, but we knew she found Jesus before she died.

     These profound prayer experiences are often accompanied with warmth and peace and also a loud humming sound in my ears that blocks out all surrounding noise.  At first I hid them from everyone but my mate.  Now I share them and use them as a witness to show people that God is alive and real and working in the world today.  I’m not always believed when I mention these revelations, but that is ok because I didn’t believe either, until I researched, tested, and saw for myself.

     We live in a very intellectual age.  Doubting is a lifestyle.  But we tend to forget who gave us our intellect!  God continues to show Himself over the ages, no matter how educated we get.

     "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8 (NKJV)

                            Thanks for reading.   Love in Christ,  Claire   xoxo


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